Dirty jokes for the day

1) What is a KISS?
It's an upper PREPARATION for a lower INVASION that will lead to further PENETRATION with fast ACCELERATION that will build next GENERATION.

2) Latest Statistics: What men do after sex? 2% eat. 3% smoke cigarettes. 4% take shower.5% go to sleep. 86% get up and go back home to their wives.

3) Why is your dick better than a credit card?
1.Once spent recharges itself.
2.It is accepted worldwide.
3.You can let your wife use it as much as she wants.

4) LITTLE GIRL: Mommy, I just found out that our neighbor's son has a penis like a peanut!
MUM: You mean it's small?
LITTLE GIRL: No it 's salty!!!


5) A couple recently married was happy with the whole thing.
He was happy with the hole, and she was happy with the thing.

6) A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.
The lady sitting next to him asked: Are they your babies?
MAN: No,I work in a condom factory and these are customer COMPLAINTS.

7) Women top 5 lies:
5. I am a virgin.
4. It is so big.
3. I ca n't do that to my best friend.
2. I won't gain weight after marriage
1. I am coming! I am coming!!!

8) A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says: You want to play magic. She says: What is that? He says: We go Home, screw, and then you disappear.

9) What is the closest thing to a woman's period?
Your SALARY... It comes once a month, lasts 4 or 5 days, and if it doesn't come, you are F*CKED!!!

10 ) Teacher asked: Which part of the body goes to heaven first?
A Kid replied : The legs...because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING".

11) Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school?
Pupil : Because I heard my sister's boyfriend say
"TONIGHT I WILL EAT YOUR PUSSY".

12) What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain??
Answer : When you pull down the stage curtain, show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY... IT'S SHOWTIME.

13) AGES OF VAGINA:
&n bsp; -16 to 19 BRAND NEW.
-20 TO 28 SLIGHTLY USED
-29 TO 36 SECOND HAND
-37 TO 45 SUBJECT TO REPAIR
-46 TO 55 FOR LUBRICATION
-56 TO 60 TOTAL WRECK
-61 TO 70 CLOSED FOR RENOVATION!!!!!!!

14) MUM: Didn't I tell you if stranger touches your breast say "DON'T". And if he touches your pussy say STOP!
GIRL : But mum, he touched both, so I told him : DON'T STOP!!!!"

15) GIRLS REACTION TO PENIS SIZES
9 INCHES - Oh Shit, pain!!
7 INCHES - Oh, I'm in heaven
6 INCHES - OH PERFECT
5 INCHES - UMMMM OK
4 INCHES - PUSH MORE
3 INCHES - IS THAT IN???
2 INCHES - IDIOT!! JUST USE YOUR TONGUE!!!